10. You begin to say ridiculous things like, “When I was your age you didn’t have to cut english muffins, they just tore apart!”
9. When you push your kid on the swing, you’re the one who gets queasy.
8. Switching sides of the bed with your wife is CRAAAAAZZZZZZYYYYY.
7. To your wife at a party you utter the sentence, “I don’t know, I’d rather get home before it gets dark.”
6. A friend at work has a genuine conversation with you about prostate health.
5. You see a pair of New Balance shoes in a store and think to yourself, “Huh, those look pretty cool.”
4. You brag to a friend about how you fell asleep the night before at 9:15pm.
3. You’re still at the bar when you start to feel hungover.
2. You buy a half-day ski ticket at 9am.
1. You look at a picture of yourself from before having kids and think to yourself, “Damn, I looked GOOD back then!” The picture is from two years ago.