10. You eat half eaten food that you snotty child didn’t finish. You rationalize this by telling yourself that you’ve already contracted, and gotten over, the same cold, so it’s okay.
9. You routinely tell another person (your less than potty trained child) that you are “going to the potty” now. The phrase “I’m pooping now” doesn’t phase you.
8. You’ve read “Where the Wild Things Are” so many time to your kid while they’re on the potty that you start to read it with an accent. Bonus points if you find yourself changing it up between Kathryn Hepburn and your best Marlon Brando Godfather impression.
7. Afternoon snack time for your kid means coffee with Bailey’s and a cookie for you.
6. When your working partner asks how your day was, you lead off with a detailed description of your kid’s potty achievements for that day.
5. You have ever played peek-a-boo in a grocery aisle.
4. Peanut butter is treated as an entree for your toddler. Afterwards you call the family dog over to help with clean up. They both seem to enjoy it and you cite some sort of pseudoscience immunity theory about early germ exposure, but really you’re just lazy.
3. You can’t remember the last time you showered and shaved on two consecutive days.
2. Your collared shirts start to be included in laundry days, only because they’ve started to smell musty in the back of your closet. Kind of like your car’s oil change recommendation of every 3,000 miles or 6 months, your dress clothes haven’t seen any significant mileage since the Bush administration.
And the number one sign that you are starting to lose touch as a stay at home parent is:
1. You have ever posted a status update on Facebook having anything to do with your child’s bowel movements.