The 3T Underwear Support Group

“Good morning everyone. We have some new faces in the circle today, so let’s go around and introduce ourselves. Now, who did Noah wear on Monday?”

“Greetings. My name is Robots and I am a 3T model.”


“On Monday Noah Went in the potty.”.”


“And then he went in me.”


“There, there Robots. Try not to take it personally. Let’s move on, shall we?”

“Howdy. My name is Cowboy Boots and Hats and I’m a 3T.”

“Hi Cowboy Boots and Hats.”

“On Tuesday, Noah galloped ‘round the backyard all mornin’ without me, shorn as sheared sheep. I was ‘bout ready to kick up my boots and have a siesta, but as the sun rose higher in the sky…Noah got thirsty.”

“Put your underwear on before you go back outside, sweetie. We wouldn’t want your little bum bum to get a sunburn now, would we?”

“I didn’t stand a chance.”

“Buck up partner. It’s not your fault. Who’s next?”

“Hey dudes. I’m Surfing T-Rex and I’m a 3T.”


“After brecky on Wednesday, Noah was ripping it up! All morning, he popped up to the Potty like a gnarly Gandalf. No wettie warmers for me, brahs. So proud of that little dude.”

“Let’s go pee-pee Noah. It’s a long drive to Grandpa and Grandma’s.”

“He even went shi shi when his dad told him to! But, there was a gnarly accident on the highway…in more ways than one.”


“Ahoy mateys. Me name is Pirate Ships and I be a 3T, like the rest of ye.”


“Aye, Thursday it was, and the young lad made fast for the head all day! After supper, he brushed his teeth, peed in the potty, and settled into his berth. I kept waiting for Nighttime Diaper to relieve me from the wheel, but Avast! Noah’s mudder turned out the light.”

“I need a glass of water.

“You had a lot of milk at dinner, Noah.”

“That’s when I knew there be a storm a brewin’ o’er the horizon. In the darkness, I waited. Below decks, the timbers creaked and groaned as the waves rose up. Then, a dagger of lightning split the sky and…I was soaked to me bones for five hours. FIVE HOURS it was!”

“We were there, too.”

“I thank ye, Sheet.” *sniff* “You too, Towel. You two always have me back.”

“Thank you for sharing Pirate Ships. I know that wasn’t easy. Okay, Friday?”

“Roger that. Name’s Camouflage and I hold the rank of 3T.”


“Friday night, 23:00. Noah’s bladder woke him up. He double-timed it to the potty, but it got messy in there. I was lucky: just a couple of drips, nothing I couldn’t handle. But, Noah’s mom took me out of action, told me to wash up. I came out smelling like the man I used to be. The dryer door opened and that’s when I saw her: Pink Polka Dots.”

“The 4t?!”


“What happened?”

“I packed my rucksack with Dryer Sheet, just to be sure, but…she…she said she could still smell it. Don’t you see? I can’t even smell it anymore! It’s soaked in! Noah will never be potty trained!”

“Yes he will.”


“Hi everyone. My name is Tighty-Whities and I’m a 3T. Noah wore me on Saturday and I’m proud to announce that he went the whole day and night without an accident.”

[Stunned Silence.]


“Bee boo bop beep!”




“Noah’s potty trained! He’ll never pee in me again!”




There are no Mythical Creatures in this Book

Unicorn: Pssst! Hey, adult human. Yes, you.
Bigfoot, wearing a tutu and winking: Only kids can see us. Got it?

On a small island, in the middle of the sea, sits one lonely otter. [On the facing page, on a very similar island bigfoot is wearing a tutu and riding a tricycle. He is winking and giving the adult reader a thumbs up.]

Wait. Make that one lonely otter and two tired turtles. [On the other island, two Loch Ness monsters wearing sunglasses are lounging on inner tubes].

Oh, and three teeny-tiny tree frogs. Can you see them? High up in that palm tree? Hmm, how can I describe their palm tree? They all look the same. Yes, that’s the one! Wow, how did you know? [Three flying dragons are pointing down at the tree.]

Ah, and here are four flying frigate birds, searching the beach. Maybe today a deck of cards will wash ashore. Or a book. Something, anything, to pass the time. [On the other island, four prancing leprechauns are throwing gold coins from their hats. One of the dragons hits a Loch Ness monster with a fireball, who is clearly annoyed.]

Five famished foxes arrive. Otter, thinking fast, begins gathering coconuts. [On the other island, five unicorns are galloping over rainbows. The Loch Ness monster hits the dragon who fired the fireball with its tail, sending him *CRACK!* into a palm tree.] Wait! What was that? It sounded like it came from the other island. Oh, never mind. It was just Otter opening another coconut.

Where were we? Oh yes. One not-so-lonely otter, two torpid turtles, three teeny-tiny tree frogs, four flying frigate birds, five somewhat hungry foxes, and now six sluggish sea lions staring at the sea. [On the other island, six swimming mermaids are playing a game of volleyball.]

And, seven sleeping sea gulls, “sawing logs,” as they say. You see, “sawing logs” is another way of saying “snoring.” And just listen to them! They really do sound like they’re sawing logs up there. [Loud, because on the other island, seven trolls are sawing down palm trees.]

And above them are, you guessed it, eight eagles, eagerly peering at the horizon. Eagles have great eyesight. Surely, they will find something interesting out there. Nope. Nothing but blue ocean and that lifeless little island next door. [On that lifeless little island next door, eight UFOs are now hovering over it.]

How many idle iguanas crawl out of the ocean to bask in the sand? Right, nine. See, you’re paying attention to what’s going on over here. Good job.  [On the other island, nine griffins are attacking the UFOs.]

“Maybe we should swim over there,” says Otter to one of the turtles.

“Why?” says Turtle.
“I don’t know,” says Otter. “Change of scenery?”

“Mmmm. I’m going to go join the iguanas,” says Turtle.

And finally, ten terns touch down, too tired to continue. If only they could have flown a little further. That other island has so much more room. [On the other island, ten fairies join in the fight against the aliens.]

[An Eagle:] “Look!”

Wait! What’s that? What does the eagle see?

A rowboat! Hooray! And it’s coming this way! Wait…why are they stopping at that island?

The children can fly?! [The children ride around on the back of the dragon, before all the creatures fly off into the sky.]

Now, that was interesting.

[Last picture is all the animals crammed in the rowboat.]













Komodos in Kimonos

The largest lizard on planet Earth, the fearsome Komodo dragon stalks its prey. Armed with 60 serrated teeth, poisonous spit, and weighing in at 300 pounds, the Komodo dragon is no match for this unsuspecting Water Buffalo

Maureen: Hi Bob! I baked too many cupcakes, would you like one?

Bob: Ah, that’s awfully thoughtful of you, Maureen. Not to be a pest, but are these gluten-free? You know my stomach…

Maureen: Of course – Oh! Hi Frank. I didn’t see you down there! Would you like one too? I have chocolate, lemon chiffon –

Frank: Maureen, Bob and I are sort of working here. Do you mind?

Bob: Nom nom nom.

Maureen: Working? Working on what?

Bob: Frank got us into a picture book.

Maureen: You did?!

Bob: Yeah. See, look over there.

Maureen: Oh! Hello there! Oh-oh! Can I be in it? Can I, can I, can I?

Frank: No.

Maureen: Why not?

Frank: It’s a serious nature book. And you’re…what is that anyway?

Maureen: It’s a kimono.

Frank: A kimono…

Maureen: You know, from Japan? I’m a Komodo in a kimono! Oh my gosh. Frank! Is there a title for the book yet? Komodos in Kimonos would be absolutely fantastic.

Bob: Ooo, that would be a good title.

Frank: No! I am not wearing a kimono. This is supposed to be a natural history picture book. We’re supposed to be teaching our readers about Komodo dragons – what we eat, where we live, how FIERCE we are!

Bob: Is this silk?

Frank: Bob!

Maureen: Why Bob, you surprise me. Yes, it is. And can I just say how absolutely divine it feels against my scales? Do you want to try one on?

Bob: Well, I wouldn’t want to impose.

Maureen: Not at all. I happen to have a blue one that will compliment your eyes nicely. Don’t move a muscle.

Frank: [unamused]

Bob: [grinning, apologetically]

Bob: Oh Frank, you have to try this.

Maureen: I have one in black, Frank. It has a red dragon on it…

Frank: If I do, will you leave us alone so we can get back to work?

Maureen: Fine. Have it your way.

Frank (to Bob): You are never to speak of this, to anyone. Ever.

Maureen: Well? What do you think?

Frank: Hmmm…it’s…it’s…

Bob: Hey Frank, not to rush you, but it looks like our readers are getting to the end of the book. We should probably take these off and get back to work, yeah?

Frank: Uh, well…I…just can’t seem to reach this knot back here.

Bob: Oh, I could help—

Frank: No! No. Let’s…let’s just take it from the top.

The largest lizard on planet Earth, the fearsome Komodo dragon stalks its prey. Armed with 60 serrated teeth, poisonous spit, and wearing a fabulous floor-length silk kimono featuring an embroidered red dragon and matching obi, this Komodo dragon is no match for its unsuspecting prey. It opens its terrible jaws and…

Frank: These are really gluten free?

Maureen: Uh huh. I used coconut flour.

Bob: Nom nom nom.